You Can Love Your Body And Want to Change It: Reframing Plastic Surgery

“I mean… I really do like my body, but…”

A patient sat down in my office last week and opened our conversation with that exact sentence.

“I mean, I really do like my body, but…” Then came the list. The things that bothered her. The changes after pregnancy she hadn’t expected to linger. The areas that no amount of exercise, clean eating, or self-talk seemed to change. And as she spoke, I noticed something I see all the time in my practice — a subtle hesitation. Almost an apology. As if she needed to justify why she was even allowed to be there.

So after she finished speaking, I circled back to that first sentence. Because buried inside that “but” is one of the most harmful narratives women are taught about their bodies — especially after becoming mothers. That you can’t possibly accept your body and want to change something about it. That it has to be one or the other. And I don’t believe that’s true.

The False Choice We Force on Women

There is a pervasive, unspoken story that lives just beneath the surface of our culture — particularly when it comes to women’s bodies. It says-- If you truly loved your body, you wouldn’t want to change it. This narrative is not only false (in my humble opinion), but it’s deeply unhealthy.

It creates shame where there shouldn’t be any.

It makes women feel guilty for noticing changes.

It turns normal, human reactions into moral failings.

And I see the consequences of this mindset every single day in my Seattle Plastic Surgery practice.

Post-Pregnancy Bodies and the Weight of Guilt

Many of my patients are mothers. Women who have grown, carried, and nurtured human life.

They come in carrying not just physical changes, but emotional ones too.

They feel a sense of guilt for not loving:

• Their stretch marks

• Their loose abdominal skin

• Their breasts after breastfeeding

• The way their body no longer looks or feels the way it once did

They’ve been told — implicitly or explicitly — that if they were more confident, more “empowered,” they wouldn’t care. And so instead of curiosity, they feel embarrassment.

Instead of agency, they feel shame. That’s not empowerment. That’s setting women up for an endless cycle of guilt.

“There Is Nothing You Can Do About This”

One of the most emotional moments I witness all too often in my practice is when women spend years punishing themselves for changes out of their control. Loose abdominal skin from pregnancy, hormonal weight changes, you name it. All things that no diet, exercise routine or amount of discipline can correct. Yet still, they feel like somehow ending up in my office is a type of failure, An admission that they didn't work hard enough.

And when I finally tell them “There is nothing you can do about this” — there is a huge emotional response.

Not because she felt hopeless.

But because she felt relief.

For the first time, she was given the permission she needed to stop blaming herself.

There was no workout. No diet. No amount of willpower that would change the biology of her skin. And yet, instead of compassion, she had internalized guilt. This is what happens when we turn bodies into moral tests.

Acceptance Is Not Passivity

One of the most important distinctions I try to make with my patients is this: Acceptance does not mean resignation. In every other area of life, we understand this intuitively.

I can be proud of my work ethic and want to grow.

I can love my career and seek advancement.

I can appreciate my fitness and want to get stronger or faster.

No one accuses ambition of being self-loathing. So why do we apply that logic only to women’s bodies? Why is wanting change seen as evidence of dissatisfaction — or worse, failure?

Plastic Surgery Is Not the Opposite of Self-Love

There are patients who seek plastic surgery from an unhealthy place — trying to fix something emotional or psychological that surgery can’t solve. Most ethical plastic surgeons are trained to recognize this. We screen carefully and we say no when surgery isn’t the answer they truly need. But those patients are a very small subset of the people who step foot in my Seattle Plastic Surgery practice. They are not who I’m talking about.

The vast majority of patients I see are thoughtful, grounded, self-aware women who:

• Understand their bodies well

• Have realistic expectations

• Have already done the emotional work

• Simply want their outside to better reflect how they feel on the inside

That is not self-hatred.

That is self-agency.

Loving Your Body Means Being Honest About It

Here’s a truth I believe deeply: You are allowed to like your body and want to change parts of it. You are allowed to accept what you cannot change and pursue what you can. You are allowed to stop torturing yourself over things that are out of your control. Plastic surgery, at its best, is not about perfection. It’s about alignment and about feeling at home in your body again. And that looks different for every woman.

This Isn’t Just About Moms

While post-pregnancy changes are a common reason women seek plastic surgery, this conversation goes far beyond motherhood. Many of my patients come to me at a point in life where they’ve never felt more confident or accepting of themselves. They are successful, self-assured and grounded.

They also happen to understand:

• What they can change

• What they can’t

• And what they no longer want to spend emotional energy fighting

That clarity is not insecurity — it’s maturity.

As a Plastic Surgeon and a Woman

I want to be very clear about something. This perspective doesn’t just come from my training as a plastic surgeon. It comes from my lived experience as a woman. I understand the tension. The mixed messages. The unstated expectation that you must choose between the seeminly mutually exclusive self-love and self-improvement.

I work out regularly. I’m proud of my strength. I’m proud of the example I set for my children. Does that mean I don’t want to be stronger? Or faster? Or continue improving? Of course not. And it has nothing to do with dissatisfaction. It has everything to do with growth.

The Permission Women Are Actually Seeking

Most women who walk into my office aren’t asking for permission to change their bodies. They’re asking for permission to stop feeling bad about wanting to.

They want someone to say:

• “You’re not failing.”

• “You’re not shallow.”

• “You’re not betraying self-love.”

They want to hear that it’s okay to make a choice simply because it feels right for them.

If we truly care about women’s mental and emotional health, we have to stop framing plastic surgery as a moral issue. It is not a character flaw. It is not a shortcut. It is not a lack of gratitude.

It is a medical option — one that should be approached thoughtfully, ethically, and without shame. When chosen for the right reasons, it can be deeply life changing.

Key Takeaways

• You can love your body and still want to change parts of it

• Acceptance and change are not opposites

• Post-pregnancy body changes are often structural — not a failure of effort

• Shame has no place in conversations about plastic surgery

• Ethical plastic surgery is about alignment, not perfection

• Empowerment means having the freedom to choose without guilt

A Final Thought

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s this: You do not need to earn permission to feel comfortable in your body. Not from society. Not from social media. Not even from yourself.

Whether you choose plastic surgery or not, the most important thing is that the decision comes from a place of honesty, self-respect, and compassion.

You are allowed to want more — without believing you are less.

LEARN MORE ABOUT A MOMMY MAKEOVER

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Dr. Megan Dreveskracht is a Board Certified plastic surgeon in Seattle, Washington. To schedule a consultation with her downtown Seattle practice, call 206-860-5582 fill out a contact form here.